


Pain in Light

by MidgardianNerd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actor Poe Dameron, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, DP Kylo Ren, Film Industry AU, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-29 00:31:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21401197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: Poe is stressed about a scene he has to play in his new movie.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Pain in Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).

> For Idril, my partner in crime. I wanted to write something fluffy and funny but I went full angst instead. I'm sorry.

Poe Dameron walked in the set of the day, observing the bed where he would have to stay in for the day, as long as his director would need for him to act his scene. The young actor took a deep breath, feeling his hands shaking around his mug of coffee. From the moment he read the script for this movie, he knew how much this scene would be difficult for him. Too close to his real life. But well, Poe was a professional actor. In the industry for almost ten years. And he didn’t want to fuck up this movie. 

When Finn Storm, a young director, got bold and asked him to play in his first movie, Poe didn’t hesitate after having read the script. He was always willing to work with new people and if he could help this talented young man to make a career in the film industry, Poe would do everything in his power to offer his big break to him. 

The shooting was small, smaller than anything else Poe did since he got out of the acting school. The crew was small too and Poe was alone for the moment. They would begin to shoot before two hours and the young actor was trying to find the right angle for acting this scene. Poe walked to the bed before sitting on it, touching softly the cold sheets. 

Suddenly, a harsh light was blinding him and the young actor had to close his eyes. It kept like that for three seconds before he could feel the light diminishing on his face and when he was able to open his eyes, he looked up. Perched on a stool, their cinematographer was adjusting a projector. Poe smiled softly while watching the man’s hands working, he always loved to see other people doing their magic on a shooting. Especially when they were as much talented as this man was. 

Kylo Ren and he began their career at the same time. The young DP had a unique way to work with the light and his use of significant colours were truly marvelous. He was becoming to be truly asked by directors since his big break three years ago and Poe was surprised to see him working on such a small project. But well, he couldn’t truly judge. He himself was there. 

The man was also acting as the cameraman since they didn’t have a lot of budget but Poe didn’t yet have the opportunity to really talk with him, the man being busier than Poe. The young actor hoped that they would have a moment to learn to know each other better before the end of the short shooting. 

“Hello!” called Poe, still sat on the bed. 

“Sorry for the light.” answered Kylo with a soft smile before climbing down the stool.

“Don’t.” grinned Poe. “I love to watch you working.” he added and the other man looked at him, surprised. 

“I love your work too.” mumbled Kylo and Poe felt a blush creeping on his cheeks. 

Poe was confident in his own acting but it was always good to hear the approval of someone else, especially someone as talented as Kylo was. He couldn’t watch yet clearly his colleague, the tall man being just a shadow travelling among the projectors and Poe looked at little bit in awe at this strong profile, carved in the different light spots. 

“Can I ask you a service?” asked Kylo and Poe nodded. “Could you lie down on the bed? I would like to adjust the light in the perfect way and you being there is a great opportunity to do it right.” he added with a soft smile.

“Alright boss!” chuckled Poe, posing his mug on the nightstand.

Poe lied down on the mattress, taking a deep breath, trying to stay still so Kylo could work his magic. Poe closed his eyes, feeling his anxiety about the scene coming back and he tried to let it flow out of his body, focusing on the warmth from the spots on his body. He could hear Kylo working, moving his stool across the room. 

Poe didn’t realize how much time he stayed still on the bed, his mind mixing his personal life and the scene that he would have to play and he felt tears burning his eyes, his body shaking against his own will and the young actor clenched his fists, trying to control his body back. He always thought that personal wounds and failures were making great actors, but today, he wondered how he would be able to get over them to use them and not being completely overwhelmed by them. 

He opened his eyes in a jolt when he felt someone grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. When he looked up, Kylo was above him, his eyes full of worryness behind his glasses. He felt Kylo’s fingers wiping off something from his cheeks and only there he realized that he was crying. 

“That’s alright.” whispered Kylo, softly helping Poe to straighten back to sit at his side. 

The young actor could look at Kylo, feeling ashamed to have been so vulnerable before someone he barely knew. He felt Kylo shifting awkwardly next to him, obviously uncomfortable and Poe took deep breaths to recover from his breakdown. His colleague stayed silent until Poe was finally able to not sobb anymore. 

“I’m sorry.” mumbled shyly Poe, unable to look at the other man. 

“Want to talk about it?” asked awkwardly Kylo and Poe let out a small smile. 

Kylo was quiet and discreet, mostly working and staying in his corner contrary to Poe, the young man always making a point to talk with everybody. But it warmed his heart to realize that Kylo was ready to go out of his comfort zone for him. Poe didn’t want to bother him but when he looked up, he could see the sincerity in these dark eyes. 

“I...I’m afraid of this scene.” swallowed Poe and he saw his own hands shaking between his knees. 

“Why?” asked Kylo, with no judgment in his voice and it helped Poe to relax. 

“Too close to reality.” breathed out Poe. 

“You lost someone?” asked the young DP and Poe nodded, unable to trust his voice. 

He felt Kylo’s warm hand wrapping around his both and Poe’s breath hitched in his throat, feeling the tears burning back his eyes. Kylo’s thumb stroke across Poe’s knuckles and the young actor followed this move with his eyes, the soothing pace calming down his heart beating hard against his chest. 

“My mum.” sobbed Poe and Kylo’s hand tightened around his. 

“I’m sorry.” whispered the young DP and Poe could hear the pain his voice so he looked up to see the other man’s eyes shining with tears. 

“You lost someone too?” asked Poe, his fingers shifting against Kylo’s palm, and he saw Kylo’s lips shaking with emotion. 

“Almost lost my dad, few years ago.” he answered. “I was lucky.” he added and Poe could see the guilt towards Poe in his eyes. 

“I’m glad for you.” smiled weakly Poe and made a point to look into Kylo’s eyes so the other man would realize that he shouldn’t feel guilty at all. 

Both men kept silent, only the sound of Kylo’s thumb stroking Poe’s knuckles could be heard. Poe’s heart was still following the pace of this and after long minutes, it was easier for him to breathe. He was still afraid to break down before all their crew but having tell it to someone else, Poe felt like maybe he could make it through this scene. Strangely, he felt stronger, knowing that Kylo would be there with him in the room. At least, someone would understand. They stayed like that until it was time for Poe to go to make up. 

* * *

One hour and half later, Poe was back on the set, wearing nothing but underwear, ready to lay down on the bed. In the corner of the room, he could see Kylo talking with Finn, both of them in a deep conversation and Poe wondered if Kylo was revealing Poe’s problem to their director. 

Poe didn’t have more time to think about it because Paige came to him and helped him to take place in the bed, wrapping a sheet around one of his legs, giving the illusion that Poe would be naked in the bed. The young actor, once installed, took a deep breath, trying to separate his own emotions from his character’s and sighing with frustration when he didn’t manage. He was still trying to do that when Finn knelt at the bedside. 

“Kylo had an idea that I would like to try.” smiled softly Finn and Poe swallowed, looking at Kylo above the director’s shoulders. 

The DP looked back at him and Poe witnessed a soft smile on his lips before going back to working on the camera. Finn was waiting patiently for his answer and Poe could see how much he wanted to try Kylo’s idea. It was one of the things Poe loved about Finn. The young director pretty much had no ego and was willing to hear about other people’s ideas and to try them if he found them good. It was something precious in this industry. 

“Alright.” smiled Poe and Finn’s face enlightened with excitement. 

The young man stood up, patted Poe’s shoulder before disappearing again, sharing words with Kylo before going out of the room. Poe frowned when he saw most of the crew following him, leaving only Kylo and the sound engineer, a young girl named Tallie, in the room. 

Kylo walked to him, looking down at Poe with a soft smile and Poe felt a little bit in awe how the young man looked beautiful, his face shining in a beautiful shade of gold due to the spot. The young DP checked the lighting and Poe focused on him, finding that he was a good distraction to Poe’s anxiety. 

“Can I sit on your lap?” asked Kylo and Poe coughed with shock, feeling a blush creeping on his face.

“What?” struggled out Poe and Kylo smirked while Tallie chuckled at their side.

“Finn wants a close up on your face and it would be simpler for me to be above you.” answered Kylo, almost too innocently and Poe nodded like an idiot. 

Kylo grinned before straddling Poe’s lap, his strong body pinning down Poe on the mattress. Poe was a little bit embarrassed by the situation but he also loved the feeling of the other man, a very attractive man, on him. The young actor had to really concentrate on something else so a certain part of his anatomy wouldn’t awaken. He had to bite down his lips when Kylo made himself comfortable on his lap. 

“Are you comfortable?” asked Kylo and Poe nodded, unable to talk right now. 

Kylo put his hands from each side of Poe’s head before looking down at him. 

“I know this scene will be difficult for you.” said softly Kylo and Poe looked anxiously to Tallie but the young woman was checking her equipment. “I thought it would be easier if we were alone.” 

“Easier for what?” asked Poe, shyly.

“I think you shouldn’t faking it.” answered softly Kylo and Poe could see how worried he was to have crossed a line. 

“I’m not sure I can do that.” whispered Poe, looking down.

“We have all the time you need.” breathed out Kylo and Poe looked up at him. 

Kylo let him sounding his eyes and they stayed silent for a long minute before Poe nodded softly. The young DP straightened before nodding to Tallie. The young woman helped him to haul the camera on his shoulder and Poe saw his face disappearing behind it. 

Poe waited for Finn’s signal, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes. He wasn’t sure he was able to do what Kylo suggested. Two hours earlier, he feared to breakdown before the whole crew and now, he felt insurmountable to show any emotion. When Finn shouted  _ action,  _ Poe opened his eyes to look at the camera above his face and he tried, tried really hard to give the best he had, to give his best acting, to show fear and grief. 

After the 33rd take, Poe sighed with frustration and Finn appeared back to his side, frowning, asking to Poe if he wanted to try another way but the young man denied with a shake of his head. He knew, deep down in his heart, he knew that Kylo’s idea was what the movie needed. Poe looked at all these people around him, all these people giving the best of their work. He looked at Kylo, waiting patiently to climb back on Poe’s lap, waiting patiently for Poe to have his shit together. 

Once Poe assured Finn to give him another take, everybody got back to their place, Kylo back on Poe’s body. Poe looked right at the camera, trying to forget it. He closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of Kylo on him, the feeling of his thighs around Poe’s waist, his breath, slightly deeper due to the weight of the camera, his warmth on Poe’s naked legs. Behind this camera, there was a human being. Someone breathing. Someone with hopes and dreams. Someone living. Something that his mother would never be able to do again. 

Poe felt his heart beating hard in his chest, the tears burning his eyes, his body shaking. He was acting anymore. He felt all his fear and grief. All these years without his mother. All his anger to not have her anymore in his life. He barely heard Finn shooting  _ action. _ He acted instinctively and opened his eyes. 

There wasn’t anymore a camera before him. It was his mother’s face. Her beautiful brown eyes and her soft smile when Poe was looking at her. Her laugh and the spark of love in her eyes when she spotted her husband. He looked at this face, so young, too young. She should have lived longer. Poe let the tears rolling down his cheeks, his nose sniveling, his lips shaking with sobs. 

Poe forgot everything. He wasn’t an actor anymore. He was a little boy who lost his mother and couldn’t accept it. He was his character and his character was him, both sharing the insufferable pain to have lost their parent. 

He heard Finn shouting  _ Cut! _ , he felt Kylo climbing down his lap, he saw the crew coming back on the set. But Poe couldn’t stop crying and the particular thing he was afraid of earlier happened. He had an emotional breakdown before the whole crew. 

He felt someone wrapping a blanket around his shoulders before he was dragged against a strong body, his face buried in a broad chest and a hand caressing softly his curls. Poe felt ashamed but the warmth around him, the comfort from this stranger felt welcoming after he unveiled his heart like that. 

When Poe was finally able to breath normally, he looked up. Kylo’s sharp face appeared to his eyes and the young DP smiled softly to Poe, his fingers cradling through his hair. 

“How are you feeling?” asked Kylo, tightening his embrace around Poe and the young man cuddled deeper into his arms.

“Tired.” sighed Poe. “I’m glad it’s over.” he added. “I don’t think I can do more than that.” he mumbled shyly.

“Alright.” whispered Kylo. 

Poe heard someone walking towards them and when he looked up, Paige handed him a mug of warm tea. Poe took it with a weak smile before looking at Finn, the young man obviously worried about Poe’s emotional state. 

“I’m fine.” smiled weakly Poe, wanted to comfort his friend. “Give me a minute!” he added and Finn nodded vigorously. 

Both left Kylo and Poe alone and the young actor felt guilty to monopolize everybody’s attention on him. They all had work to do. 

“You should go back to work.” whispered Poe, looking up shyly at the DP. 

“My work is less important than my friend.” answered Kylo and Poe felt his heart accelerating in his chest. 

“Thank you.” mumbled Poe, throwing his arms around Kylo’s neck and the young DP was surprised before wrapping his arms around Poe’s waist. 

“Anytime.” breathed out Kylo. 

Kylo kept him in his arms for long minutes and Poe realized how this movie was the best thing coming in his career. And in his personal life too. 

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: @midgardiannerd  
Our Tumblr: @knightsofdamnren


End file.
